Ever wondered if the secret to more meaningful relationships could be as simple as fostering genuine self-love? Join me, Coach Ratner, alongside Rabbi Yisrael Frankel for an insightful dialogue that promises to illuminate your path to deeper connections. As we sit in the heart of Jerusalem, we uncover the often overlooked link between cherishing oneself and the capacity to love others, sharing wisdom from both personal experiences and the Torah. Delving into the joyous pursuit of happiness, we reveal how everyday moments and gratitude can significantly enhance our relationships and overall well-being.
Our conversation takes a powerful turn as we tackle the transformative influence of self-esteem on one’s life journey. Rabbi Frankel and I share stories of overcoming self-doubt and the remarkable changes that ensue when individuals recognize their worth and set ambitious goals. We also explore the complexities and beauty of long-term love, discussing how intimacy, vulnerability, and shared growth solidify and celebrate the bond between partners. If you're seeking to reignite passion in your relationships or simply find greater contentment within, this episode is a trove of heartfelt advice and actionable wisdom.
Ever wondered if the secret to more meaningful relationships could be as simple as fostering genuine self-love? Join me, Coach Ratner, alongside Rabbi Yisrael Frankel for an insightful dialogue that promises to illuminate your path to deeper connections. As we sit in the heart of Jerusalem, we uncover the often overlooked link between cherishing oneself and the capacity to love others, sharing wisdom from both personal experiences and the Torah. Delving into the joyous pursuit of happiness, we reveal how everyday moments and gratitude can significantly enhance our relationships and overall well-being.
Our conversation takes a powerful turn as we tackle the transformative influence of self-esteem on one’s life journey. Rabbi Frankel and I share stories of overcoming self-doubt and the remarkable changes that ensue when individuals recognize their worth and set ambitious goals. We also explore the complexities and beauty of long-term love, discussing how intimacy, vulnerability, and shared growth solidify and celebrate the bond between partners. If you're seeking to reignite passion in your relationships or simply find greater contentment within, this episode is a trove of heartfelt advice and actionable wisdom.
This is the Living in Clarity podcast. I'm Coach Ratner Today we're filming from Old City Radio Studios in Jerusalem. Today we have a very special guest, rabbi Yisrael Frankel, relationship coach. Rabbi, it's great to see you again. Thank you. Have you seen me since last year? What have you been doing with yourself?
Rabbi Frankel:I have been meeting people one-on-one and helping them transform their relationships, their intimate relationships and their own understanding of themselves, and really manifesting a beautiful life.
Coach Ratner:Have you determined that a lot of people have issues? It's because they don't love themselves or they have a hard time with their self-esteem? Clearly yeah. So it's like they go hand in hand, really like loving and self-esteem, don't they?
Rabbi Frankel:You can't really love somebody else unless you love yourself. Yes, that's why we, the Torah, says you have to. You should love somebody like you love yourself, which is pretty profound, which means the same attributes that you know how to love yourself. You use them to also expound and include other people. But if you don't know how to love yourself, then how can you make a relationship?
Coach Ratner:How many people I've known, especially in their late 30s and 40s, who would like to get married and they obviously have low self-esteem? Not obviously, but many of them do have slow self-esteem and they wonder why they're having a hard time finding someone to date and to marry because they don't love themselves. Such an important part of our life is to make sure that we love ourselves. We're able to love other people. You know, when I was single, I was 34 years old and not been married and I finally decided you know what, I'm just going to be happy as a person, as a single person, whether I get married or not, and that's when I met my wife.
Rabbi Frankel:Wow, that's amazing.
Coach Ratner:Yeah, do you find that that's the truth, like you have to be just?
Rabbi Frankel:happy for where you are in life. Yeah Well, see, happiness has a lot to do with looking at the world and seeing the potential. And really the world is a gift In a deep sense. What that means is you're connected to God, because, I mean, god is a concept that a lot of people have a misconstrued understanding about, but what I mean is that the world is a gift of love. How do we actually embody ourselves? Love ourselves? Well, if you experience the world as a place where you don't have opportunities and you have to survive and fight and you can only get things if you really like, really work hard and you have to suffer through it, then you're not going to experience love. But if you experience like, wow, this air, this sun, this world, the pleasures of the I ate breakfast. Wow, what a gift this is. So you're experiencing consistent giving and loving, so then it's easy to start noticing that hey, I'm loved, and then you can love yourself.
Coach Ratner:Yeah, it's like the theme I say you thrive versus survive. You can go through life trying to survive and get by, or you thrive with everything that's happened to you, no matter what. I flew home from Miami a few days ago and I was sitting on the plane. I was right, I do a lot of writing on the plane. I don't watch any movies. That's not true. I do watch Tom Cruise movies.
Coach Ratner:But I was writing and the woman sitting next to me I was sitting next to a couple and she goes oh, you're a writer. And I'm like I guess I'm a writer I don't officially call myself writer, I write books and she goes what do you write? I was talking to her about it and then, as time went on, they brought us our dinner. You know, when you fly from Miami or from the East Coast to Israel, you get about an hour into the flight. You get your dinner and I'm all happy. I'm wrapping my food and I'm eating it. And the guy goes it's food good To me. I'm like it's great. And they're like looking at me like it's fun, like I'm really enjoying my food, and it was really. You enjoy the food that much. I go, ma'am, I'm sitting at 40,000 feet, going 600 miles per hour on aluminum tube, seeing a chair and some nice lady's bringing me a hot meal. What is it a complaint about? Like I look at that service at home and she goes wow, you really do believe what you write. I'm like yeah.
Coach Ratner:I'm happy. I feel like I can not be happier.
Rabbi Frankel:Basically, happiness is a choice. Yes, we have a lot of opportunities in life that are full of pleasure, and pleasure is an experience of love, because when someone's pleasuring us, they're loving us and we can either experience that or block it. So the more times we are conscious of experiencing a pleasurable experience, that's the more times we experience love in our life, and everything is exponential. So when you have 20 experiences of love in your life, that means you feel a tremendous amount of love all the time. And if you block all of those experiences and you just notice things that are missing in your life, then you feel a lack of love and you feel hungry. It's like wait, what's going on with my life? And it's a choice. It's a choice what you notice, what you pay attention to, what you put energy into.
Rabbi Frankel:You know you talk about breakfast, right, how many of us we run here, we go there, we put this in our mouth. It's an experience, it's a gift. My wife taught me that when she spends 25 minutes making the bread, which is, you know, which is fried on the butter and the avocado and the mayonnaise and the tomato and the egg, right, that's actually a beautiful thing. You have a nice breakfast, because she's like I want to enjoy my life and I want you to enjoy your life, so I'm going to put a lot of energy into it and my life's going to be enjoyment. That's a decision. It's a decision how you want to live your life. You want to live your life in suffering and lack, or do you want to make your life good?
Coach Ratner:So you can look at everything either as pain. Thank you, our pleasure. Someone can get this beautiful breakfast that your wife makes and maybe eggs a little bit runny, or maybe the avocado's a little rotten or unripe, and you can be complained about that. We can say what a blessing it is that not only am I getting this wonderful food that God gave us I mean like this amazing fruit and vegetables and eggs I have someone in my life who's making me a meal, which I appreciate.
Coach Ratner:You know I do a lot of cooking in my house. I appreciate when someone some flight attendant brings me dinner. I get so much pleasure out of that and even though the food whatever the food's no marginal whatever, but I still love the fact that I'm sitting and just plain eating my food and I think that's how everyone should look at life that life is a gift and everything we have in our life is a gift. And you should be thanking God every day for all everything good that happens to you and a very high level of thanking God for everything bad that happens to you. When you say you look at life, it's all a pleasure.
Rabbi Frankel:Right. So I wanna make a point about that, about blessings. You know that, we know that the sages told us to make blessings before we eat.
Coach Ratner:Yes.
Rabbi Frankel:And so a lot of us interpret that as like saying you have a responsibility to God to thank him and it's just this heavy thing. But the truth is what they're trying to put you in a consciousness is of you could just ignore this experience and not realize that someone was loving you. But if you are aware and it's like, wow, hey, this doesn't have to happen, it happened because he cares about me. You have all these opportunities to experience love in your life and care, and then you actually notice, wow, this really tastes good because this is put there with effort and that makes a totally different life.
Rabbi Frankel:And what you said about blessing the bad things is that bad things are not fun and they that's gonna be painful. Yeah, they're not fun, and no one would say, yeah, I want bad things. But once you start experiencing life as so much gifts, you realize that the bad things are just in the process, they're not the way it's gonna end up, because that isn't my life. And so if there's a bad thing, it's like, oh, obviously I need to go through this in order to get to the real goal, which is what my life is usually like. But if your standard life is like suffering and annoying and hard work and you never spend time to pleasure. So the bad things are just like another additive, like it's not only suffering, it really is bad, it hurts so much.
Coach Ratner:Yes, yeah, do you feel like some people when they're in ruts like that and you probably coach people who are still single, do you ever tell them to move, like sometimes you have to change your? I think in Torah there's like different ideas that if you want to change your mazel which we say mazel-tuv, it really means changing the stars, changing the horoscope, I should say. And so they say that I think there's three ways you can change your mazel. One is you change your name In your place, in your place, and one is one your job.
Rabbi Frankel:No, she knew Mokom, she knew Zaman and she knew Hashem. So there's a time, it's a place and your name. But I want to make a point about this. See, I don't think necessarily what we do is the point. The question is, why are we doing it? So come in. Somebody happens all the time. They come into me in a bad situation. They're not married, they're in an intimate relationship with their wife and they're not being successful. They're doing bad stuff with their sexual desire, all kinds of stuff, right? So the first thing that you'll notice when you sit with somebody is that they actually believe that that's what they're gonna get, and the ability to actually see beyond where they're holding is hard. I mean, they think that that's their life, that they can't change it.
Rabbi Frankel:That's right, they believe it. Like a guy sat with this morning today, he's like he's in a loop for years and years and he's like, yeah, that's the way it is, I'm gonna suffer for my life. So if you tell a guy like that, go change your place, he's gonna do the same thing, he's gonna move in the same. So the first thing that I do with a guy is I say, okay, take a look at this pain in your life and pain is a really amazing thing, you know. I wonder why. It's like you should put your hand on a stove. Yes, pain is great, tells you to take that hand off the stove.
Coach Ratner:Sure, you gotta have pain.
Rabbi Frankel:So pain is a street sign. So when you have a guy stuck in a place and he's suffering, it's great, Go in there, feel it. Why.
Rabbi Frankel:Because, it's telling you get out of here. Well, where do we go? Oh, you mean, there's a potential. You start opening up the guy to say you know, there's no other life you could live. Really, Well, let's look at it and introduce them to the possibilities of their life. The very fact that they start dreaming about these things and they start going towards that, that's already the shift. And then you get them to invest in there by saying we can get there. You get them in positive. Then you make decisions about what to do. It could be the decision what to do is to change your place. Could be, yeah, Could be a hundred things, but it has to be from a place of I'm going to a good life and this is the way to get there.
Coach Ratner:But sometimes they're so used to the pain they don't even realize it's pain anymore. It's like you know someone there was a very popular video about a woman, a couple, who are arguing, and she's complaining about her headache and she has a nail in her head. Have you heard of this one? She has a nail in her head and he says and he husband says to her you know you're there, honey, you know you have a nail in your head. She goes stop give me the answers.
Coach Ratner:I'm just looking for someone to talk to like, because men want to give answers to women. They want to solve problems. Men like to solve problems and, like she didn't want the problem solved, she just wanted someone to talk to, to listen to her complain about her pain and she got.
Rabbi Frankel:You know she's used to the pain and even when people want their problem solved, sometimes there's scope of what that means is so small. And I like this famous parable they said of this king who kicked the son out because he did bad stuff and he sent him to deliver the peasants in the garbage dump. And after many years the king decides once take a son out of the garbage dump. So he comes to the sun, says my dear son, I want to give you what do you want? What would you like? He says I'll tell you, dad. In this garbage dump I always have problems because the people next to me they also were looking for food in the garbage dump and they're also trying to look for food. It's always difficult to you know, get our stuff. What I want is my own personal garbage dump.
Rabbi Frankel:Yeah, right, so that's a problem. Sometimes our vision is so low that we will actually manifest a reality of that all the time, because that's all we can believe in, and the biggest gift you can give to somebody is let them know what their potential is and the way they know their potential is because they want it, they're hungry for it. The pain is just like, hey, I don't belong here.
Coach Ratner:You don't belong here. It's true what they feel like. The problem is they feel like they belong, they feel like they deserve it. They have low self-esteem, possibly, and this they go. This is what I deserve. I don't deserve anything else. So you have to build up their self-esteem, don't you?
Rabbi Frankel:Yeah, you have to help them, but you see, self-esteem is something that comes from within, inside. So, if you what? The main thing that I think you have to help people is become self-aware. Let them be authentic to themselves, Because when a person's in a bad self-esteem, what they're really doing is lying to themselves.
Coach Ratner:Yes, yeah, like I said, the name of this podcast is called Living in Clarity, because I you want your students to be living in clarity, which means the awareness to know that this bad situation they're in doesn't have to be permanent. Right, we all go through bad situations. We all go through periods of low self-esteem, we all go through periods where we struggle, but the idea is that you know that there is another side to that story and you can change your goggles and you can change your vision of what the future is going to be and you can change your future. You can change that future as long as you have a vision of what it's going to be. Right, yeah, have you struggled with?
Rabbi Frankel:self-esteem ever. Oh yeah, I think the biggest problem in my life literally the biggest problem in my life is the assumption that I'm not good enough or that I'm bad. Literally the most destructive thing that I did in this world is believe that all of the problems that I had afterwards were because of that belief. And when I shifted that belief, my life opened up in a serious way. And when I said I shifted, it's like it's a constant struggle.
Coach Ratner:I don't think it ever ends. No, and the reason why I started writing on self-esteem was because we did a podcast when I did tremendously well and I started writing about it. I've gone through a lot of self-esteem. I've been a mess sometimes and I want to turn my mess into a message. And even when the war broke out here in Israel, I mean I felt miserable and I went to my book and I'm like okay, how do I make myself feel better? And I went through these different steps that I have excuse me, and it really did help. And I always say if you want to have a fantastic relationship, write a book on relationships. If you want to have a fantastic marriage, write a book on marriage. If you want to have a fantastic, self-possessed self-esteem, write a book on self-esteem.
Rabbi Frankel:Yeah, I find all the time in my counseling or coaching or doing therapy with somebody and they walk into my office and they sit down and they start telling me all about myself and I'm like, yeah, I know exactly what to tell you when I talk to them and really, talk to myself.
Coach Ratner:Yeah, I don't counsel people, but I do like to help people a lot. I mean, I do counsel people but it's not official counsel kind of thing. And so sometimes I'll sit down with students and they'll start talking to me about their problems and since I don't want to be there for an hour listening, I'll say to them listen, because I don't charge anything. I said do you have a problem you only solve, or a question you want me to answer? I'm happy to help you solve your problem. I'm happy to answer your question, but I'm not a therapist here. You're out, you know therapists get paid. They sit there to listen. You sit in the couch and they sit there and write notes For an hour and if you're getting paid, that's what you do right.
Coach Ratner:But if I'm just here to help someone, I want to help you. I'm like, unfortunately, my patient's levels. I've gotten much better of my patients, but I wanted to the point. What's the?
Rabbi Frankel:point. What do you want me to help you with? Right, so a lot of times. Actually, that's really powerful for people because I find that I actually changed my modality. I was very much in educating and doing therapy and it's great and it has a very important part of life, but another to really make transformation, a person has to come in with a vision of a goal, what we're gonna do. And until he has that goal or she has that goal, what we're gonna do, a lot of the education will just seep out. You know, one in your out, the other or the therapy will just like yeah, there's some healing going on, but what you do with your life, what?
Coach Ratner:do you mean what we're gonna do, I? Isn't it better to say what we hope to accomplish?
Rabbi Frankel:What's the goal?
Coach Ratner:I always say what's the goal when I gave a class, like I gave a marriage class in Orlando last week and I was in front of mostly couples, some people who were just dating. I said the goal of this class is true to be in a loving, passionate relationship with one person the rest of your life. And if you're not, I failed and I have no intention of failing. That's the goal of the class, right?
Rabbi Frankel:So I always state my goal at the beginning. Right, you notice that a lot of the educational systems college or in Yeshivas they don't have a goal.
Coach Ratner:No, you have to have your elevator pitch, but I call the like what's the purpose? Why am I coming to this event? Why am I coming to this class? Why am I taking this class? Why am I getting therapy from you? What is the purpose, what is the goal? And if you can't state it, then it's gonna be hard to help someone, isn't it?
Rabbi Frankel:Right, very impossible. They can't help themselves because they can't envision where they're going. And the second, that you give them a concrete goal. And I wanna say what the concept of goal is. It should be something broader than just an action. It should be the entire experience that goes along with it, what the life change is going to look like, how they're going to feel, what's gonna be ramifications because that means that connects people to their goals in a deep way. When a person's living their goal, they're living inspired, they're living connected to themselves, and then they can actually accomplish.
Rabbi Frankel:But so a lot of times on the therapeutic model, what we're just doing is healing some kind of issue that come up, and it's important. You can't really move sometimes if you're stuck in a very negative space and you're the way you look at yourself. But that's not enough, because then they just heal and go nowhere. And I'm not even talking about this like practical actions. I'm talking about that. I'm motivating all of my energy to get to a different way of life and then you can come with practical actions.
Coach Ratner:What are some practical applications that you tell people to do, that in order to help them have better relationships, get through their self-esteem? What are some of these practical? I'm all about practicality. So you know what? What can?
Rabbi Frankel:I do. Let's talk about languages. Everybody's gotta do, gotta make money, right? Yes, okay, so in time, I'm making money. It's like I gotta make money. Well, what is that? What is money? What do you wanna do with your money? You want a car, you want a house, you want things, you wanna buy stuff, until you actually connect to practicality of what you're gonna do with it. Right, it's very, very airy and you're still like in a survival mode. When you start, you see the picture of that car you wanna buy. Then you're connected to it and all of your systems are we're going there, and then you can quantify it. Well, I need $25,000. Oh, so my work has to create $25,000, right, that's very mathematical and simple, right?
Rabbi Frankel:So let's take a relationship, okay, an interrelationship. Some people will say I just wanna have peace. And what they mean peace? They mean like Palestinian, israeli peace, like no one's killing each other. Sure, really, that's what you wanna live your life's just like no one's fighting with each other. That's it. That's simple, that's it. How about you wanna have love flowing through the air and you have experiences that are so fulfilling and like such magic and so much pleasure between the two of you when you enjoy each other's life. You ever thought of that one? Hmm, what would that look like? Let's picture it. Let's picture a day in your family Intimacy. How would intimacy look like if it's really powerful and amazing?
Coach Ratner:But why? That's a good question that sometimes that has been coming up in my podcast. Why be married? Why do you wanna have a relationship with somebody else? What's the purpose of it? Okay, that's a great question.
Rabbi Frankel:That's a really it's not so easy to answer Right. So I think that the why of everybody is you should go inside, because why is always, what do I need? Okay, so I think everybody, if there's enough self-aware. From my experience working with people for many, many years and doing emotional workshops, the deepest need of a human being is to be in love. I think it's to be needed. Okay, when you're needed, it's fine. There's a you can be needed. That's a very small version of love. Yes, because, like I don't really want you, I want what you provide for me. Make sure, right. But if a person was just needed and not wanted inherently, they would have pain.
Coach Ratner:Yes.
Rabbi Frankel:That means it's not fully expressed. So really you take advantage of that point, that's someone yeah.
Rabbi Frankel:Right. So really, when we go inside of ourselves, what do we need to be? Do? We need? We need to be connected. We need to be in love. Now we can have a discussion. What is the best way to do that? In a modern world, there's a lot of influence that people think, you know, marriage is not a good way to have a good loving relationship. There's actually a lot of pain and a lot of stress and like maybe it's better just to be, like you know, connected to a lot of people and open relationships and and that's a possibility, and I think that every possibility needs to be thought through from a deep place and really judged. But the way I think that it's smart to judge anything is look long term, yeah, how it feels there's, you know, everything that there is looks glamorous. But if you take what's going to be in five years, 10 years, 15 years, how are you going to feel? So I don't think like that, right.
Rabbi Frankel:So, that's why so many divorces and bad marriages. Exactly so when you talk long term, the pleasures that a person gets from a stable, connected relationship with their whole life is intertwined with somebody else, which basically means they have the opportunity to feel love 24 seven.
Coach Ratner:Yeah, there's no better feeling, is there?
Coach Ratner:There really isn't when you, when you're in a, like I say, passionate relationship, when I you know I have the four phases of love we're not going to get into now and the four phases never leave and you pass the commitment because everyone can marry, but 60% of the people get divorced and most of the rest of them aren't even happy.
Coach Ratner:So when you get past that phase, when you know there's someone better looking, someone's got a better personality, someone cooks better, someone's got more money, someone's funnier, someone gloves you more, whatever it is, but the person that you married doesn't. They don't. They're not the top of a game on every single characteristic, but you know they're not perfect, but you realize they're perfect for you. And when you realize that you can be in a loving, passionate relationship with one person and have that relationship even when you're not with them, even when you go to Orlando for a week and buy and sell coins, that you know that you have this amazing relationship and you don't have to. It's not based on need. Oh, you know, my wife has talked to me five times a day. It's like no, you know, you're there for you, whether you're there with them or not, and there's no greater feeling is there, right?
Rabbi Frankel:And I think that the fact that there's a marriage marriage means that there's you guys are connected in all facets of life, right? So when you pay the bills and when you go to the supermarket, going to the supermarket can be making love. Oh yeah, making breakfast for somebody can be making love, right. There's, because there's so many opportunities of connection. There's so many opportunities to make love, and just really depends on how you're doing it. Do you milk this experience to express all of the attributes that you have inside of yourself, or you just take it for granted? And it's the same thing we said before. You can either make life fun and pleasure or you can just go through life and scat and complain about it all day long. It's like what is it? I mean, all it is you know you can eat breakfast.
Coach Ratner:You know I got to eat breakfast in order to go to work. Go to work, Would I do it?
Rabbi Frankel:You can do that or you can. Every experience is something which has the ability to have an intimate experience. If you, if you have a spouse, your entire life is about intimacy.
Coach Ratner:That intimate experience for me. I have an acronym I use. It's been very helpful in my classes. It's called Pies. You might have heard this before Physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual.
Coach Ratner:When you connect on all those four different levels, you're connecting pretty good. I mean you're, you're, you're in the game pretty strong. You know. Physicality, obviously very important, the major part of relationship. And then intellectual you know the person you end up with or have a relationship with should be in the same intellectual, intellectual level.
Coach Ratner:But they don't have to be like you know, my wife is much smarter than me, or but emotional is very important, that that you open up emotionally, that you willing to be vulnerable with each other, and that's the hard part. This is where people put their blocks up from the walls up and they don't allow themselves to be loved or to love somebody else because they're afraid to be vulnerable. Of course, the spiritual aspect is having gotten your life knowing that God put you together. You guys are meant for each other and it might not be easy, you might have some struggles, but having God as that, that focus of your life is really. I mean there's a reason why that in most religious homes not just Jewish religious but even non-Jewish. The marriage divorce rate, marriage divorce rates, much like nothing. It's very, very low. Now there's times I should get divorced, obviously because they have a spiritual connection to each other Right.
Rabbi Frankel:So I want to quantify that spiritual, because sometimes it's hard for people to understand what spirituality means. One aspect of spirituality is accomplishment is that the person grows when we come into this world. Right, everybody has a need to become something. Right? We look for love and look for value. Right, we even free choice to create ourselves. Okay, so when a man and a woman goes into a relationship, what they're really doing is becoming a full fledged version of themselves. A man can't really be a full man without a woman and a woman can't be a full one without a man, right? So that means that within the context of a marriage, there's an emotional connection of love and connection. It's also like, wow, look what the person I became.
Coach Ratner:Yeah, yeah.
Rabbi Frankel:You could see a guy who's like is not sensitive and he's horrible and he's just not good to his wife and he's the guy who's like really deeply, like he understands her, cares about her, love. So that man you look at him like whoa, what a dude. I want to be like that.
Coach Ratner:That's a man. That's a man, right. So that's you, not the guy with big muscles and five girls in his arms and driving Ferrari, right.
Rabbi Frankel:So and he feels good about himself because he knows he accomplished becoming himself. So that's a spiritual concept, right, accomplishment is a deep thing. It's like becoming who I am. And when you're in a family and you develop all of your, all of your abilities to connect and to care and to love and to become a provider, to become a strong person, to become a person, become a protector, to become a giver, right, and you look back at yourself like, damn, hey, that was worth it. Yeah, right, as opposed to something using somebody else, and right, and you're just having your own pleasures and whenever you finish with them, you go to the other person. Sure, what do you think about yourself afterwards? Yeah, what did I accomplish? Not that much.
Coach Ratner:Well, the the the accomplishment is that you had control over somebody else. That's, that's the accomplishment, the powerful power. Right? People like to know that, oh, I can try, I can, I can woo this girl, I can get that guy and and of course, that doesn't last to long loving relationships, right, rabbi? It's amazing, I gotta tell you, I was requested that I put you on the show and I see why, and I think there's a lot we can talk about. I think next time we come with a little tighter subject idea that we're going to discuss, but, man, you'd have a lot of stuff to talk about. I mean, you're amazing. I'm really, I'm really impressed, but we're going to end this podcast now and we're going to have you again, Obviously, very soon. Thank you so much and thank you so much for listening to this episode of the Living and Clearing Podcast. I'm Coach Ratner, this is Rabbi Franca, and we'll see you next time.